Surrender Everything?

Really?

Photo by mvy

My college friend Michael Stephen Rivers is a gifted singer/songwriter, and a man deeply in love with God. I’ve been listening to his music for 40+ years, because he’s always had the knack of writing songs that describe my own feelings. A few years back, he came out with a song called "Surrender."

I’ve recently had it on perpetual repeat while driving, because it was speaking so strongly to my heart. In the middle of the song he says, "I raise my hands, my white flag; You quietly draw near. On my knees I offer everything. You ask me for my fear.”

My eyes are leaking just thinking of that segment of the song. On my knees I offer everything. You ask me for my fear. And nine times out of ten I say no.

That's too hard to give up. You're asking too much, God. I can't give up my fear. I can give you my life; I can give you my money; I can give you my job; I can even give you my future. But don't ask for my fear. It's been my best friend, my whole life.

How can I give that up? Who would I be if I were not the timid person that I think I am? And the last part of that sentence is where the truth is. The timid person that I think I am, that I feel like I am. Do you ever feel like that?

I think it's a common human condition. We tend to live fearful lives. We’re afraid of growing up. We're afraid of messing up and getting in trouble. We're afraid of not succeeding. We're afraid of going broke. We're afraid of being single for our entire lives, or marrying the wrong person, or not being able to have kids, or our kids not turning out okay. Or the job not working out.

We have All. The. Fears.

And yet, every time God sent a messenger to a human being, one of the first things the messenger said was fear not. God is not a God of fear. He's a God of love. Yes, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:6). But go back and look at that verse in other translations. It’s not talking about being afraid of God. It’s talking about understanding who God is. Respecting who God is. Acknowledging who God is – NOT being afraid of God, like he's some tyrant up there just waiting to smack you down, just waiting to throw a thunderbolt at you because you screwed up. That’s not God.

God is Love, and He loves us. If he didn’t, then my Savior would not have been nailed to a cross in my place. That’s what love does. It rescues other people. Just like God rescued me.

So why won’t I let him rescue me from this perception that I am a fearful person, when if you looked at my life, you would say I’m not fearful?

When I was 17, I moved 300 miles away from my family to go to college, and I was the first one to go to college. When I was 18, I joined the Army National Guard to help pay for my education, and had my first-ever helicopter and airplane rides. When I was 23, I went active duty Air Force, and moved 2000 miles away from my family, and at 27, I spent a year in Belgium before settling in Texas.

I left the Air Force at the end of my second enlistment without having a job (or any job prospects), not even knowing where I was going to wind up living. Would I go back to Ohio and live near my family? Stay in Texas with my friends? Move somewhere else entirely? I had absolutely no idea, but I knew it was time to leave the Air Force, and God had a plan for me, and would show me what it was. I wasn’t really afraid, because I knew God had my back.

I have lived my entire life like that. And yet, when I look at myself from the inside, all I see is fear. Is God really gonna do this for me? Is God really gonna be there? Is this really what I’m supposed to do? What if this doesn’t work out? What if this is the wrong move?

What if?

What IF?

WHAT IF?

Which reminds me of one of my favorite social media memes – “What if I fall? Oh, but darling – what if you FLY?”

WHY do we listen to the negative thoughts about ourselves, and refuse to see the positive realities? Why do we do that? How do we stop doing that?

I wish I knew. Then I realize the answer is right there in Michael’s song.

On my knees, I offer everything. You ask me for my fear.

Father God, I don’t know how to give that up. It’s too much a part of who I believe myself to be. Help me remember that I am NOT the scaredy-cat – instead, I am the person who does it afraid, and I’ve done that my entire life with You. Help me to remember that you’ve always got my back, and that I am never alone, even when I’m the only person in the room.

Give me the courage to stop believing I’m a scaredy-cat. And help me live my life as if I were the lion you created me to be.

In Jesus’ name,
amen